Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
