How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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