its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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