This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
