It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
