I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
