So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
