i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
