I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
