Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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