Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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