Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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