Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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