and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
