I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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