We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
vagina is talking i cant
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
