My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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