Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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