my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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