He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
