This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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