Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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