I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
