I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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