that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
