BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize