9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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