I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
