This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
