So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
