don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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