I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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