I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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