you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
