I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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