Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
