The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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