I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize