no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
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