I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
