I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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