you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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