this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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