I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
