I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
