his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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