I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
