after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize