Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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