If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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