My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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