I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's blow job season.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
