is your mom at the bar?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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