Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
