You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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