If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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