Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
