Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
