PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
