Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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