Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
