Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
