I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
