I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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