I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
