you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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