one word: firstdatebathroomanal
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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