Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
