ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
