If that was your dad, he is hot
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
