with your own penis?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
