these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
