He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
