Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
