Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
