I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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