I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
