Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
