Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
